Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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