Your dad touched me again.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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