and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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