so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
