# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
