i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
