Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
