That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
