My pussy is not your playground.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
