Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
