If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
