When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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