sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
