Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
