Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
