I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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