Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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