I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im part way to drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
