I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
