what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
