I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
