The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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