We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
