ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
