Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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