this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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