Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
