you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
