considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
