I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
