So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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