You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
