Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
