well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
