I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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