So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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