I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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