Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
