I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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