You made me cry and you don't even care
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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