This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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