she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.