You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.