all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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