dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.