i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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