I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
