I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
