PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
