No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
