remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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