oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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