There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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