With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize