My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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