They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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