we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
