I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
