I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
