Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Girls should come with a carfax report
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
