I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Still dying that you shit outside
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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