dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
