Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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