Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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