First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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