Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
