Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
