How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
