It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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