Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
