woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
