No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
