that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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