I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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