Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
