"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
