Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
