why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
