Non-Jews are for practice
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
