Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
